If you’ve ever had a miscarriage, it can often feel like a lonely experience. Because although many women have lost a pregnancy or will do at some point, it’s still something that’s not often widely spoken about.
A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 24 weeks and happens in around 5 in 100 pregnancies - 3 in 4 of these are in the first trimester (the first three months). Because of this, some people choose to wait until after the first trimester has passed until they share the news with their friends and family. Yet if a miscarriage does occur, this can sometimes mean you feel you can’t share it with the people you may normally rely on for support.
If you have lost a pregnancy, you may also be finding it difficult to break the news to family and friends who knew you were pregnant, struggle with their reactions or what feels like a lack of understanding. You may also be experiencing other emotions like numbness, anger, denial, relief, disappointment, or guilt.
There is no right or wrong way to feel but losing a much-wanted pregnancy can be difficult, emotionally, and physically - so being able to find the right support is important. If you have a partner this can help, but they may also be finding things difficult or experiencing the loss in their own way. Couples often find that they both need support and someone to help them navigate the changing emotions that come with this type of loss.
In this article, we’ll list some of the organisations that you can contact for support, or use as a resource for information. You may want to access support anonymously, or you might find comfort in sharing your experiences with others. It could be that there are certain times when you need extra support, or it could be daily. Everyone is different, so we’ve tried to include varied options from face-to-face meetups to email support services.
All of the support services mentioned in this article are available for anyone who has ever experienced miscarriage. Whether it’s happening now, recently, or at any point in the past.
Local support groups or services
There are all different kinds of support available for anyone who has experienced a miscarriage. You can also speak with your GP or health care provider to see if they know of any locally based support that you or you and your partner can access.
The Miscarriage Association provides information and support to anyone who’s been affected by pregnancy loss, including ectopic or molar pregnancy.
As well as a pregnancy loss helpline they have a live chat service and email support service. There are also a number of different online support options. Although they host several face-to-face meetups, none are currently being held during the pandemic.
They also produce leaflets you can download on all kinds of topics and information relating to miscarriage.
Tommy’s is a charity that funds and conducts pioneering research into the causes and prevention of baby loss. They can provide expert care, information and support to help those who have experienced miscarriage (including molar and ectopic pregnancies) and work to help make pregnancy safer for everyone.
Tommy’s supports women and their families throughout pregnancy, including before, during, and after a loss. Their information and support services are midwife-led and all their midwives are trained in bereavement support. You can talk to a Tommy’s midwife for free from 9 am-5 pm any weekday by calling 0800 0147 800, or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can in some cases ask to be referred to a Tommy’s clinic through your GP, Midwife or Consultant.
Cruse Bereavement Care
Although it may happen in early pregnancy, miscarriage is still a bereavement and experiencing grief is normal and natural. You can find grief support with bereavement charity Cruise, who have been operating for over 60 years. Contact them through their helpline or live chat on weekdays and weekends.
Speak to someone who understands
Miscarriage isn’t talked about widely or often, though the likelihood is that there is someone in your circle of friends who has been through something similar. If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage, either a friend, family member, a contact on social media, or a friend of a friend, consider reaching out. It might be that they also want someone to talk to.
Talk with your partner
Because people grieve differently, it may be that you and your partner are handling the miscarriage differently. Men can also express their emotions differently to women, or feel unable to process or talk openly about how they’re feeling. This is normal, but it may help for you to have a neutral outlet to talk to who can help guide you both through this experience together.